Mourning
by Jessi99
Summary: When Bella looses her husband can his best friend Edward pick up the pieces of her shattered heart. AH, Au , OOC. Canon pairings. R&R!
1. Prologue

**This is my first fanfic so i appreciate eveyone's feed back but please dont be mean.. thanks**

**disclaimer: i dont own twilight. The lovely SMeyer owns everything, I just love Edward so much i can't help but to write him in my own little world. hehe**

Black.

Everywhere I look all i see is people dressed in black, and it just makes me me want to cry even more.

Right now i am sitting in a room full of people. Flowers line all the walls around me. and all i can look at is my husband's lifeless body lying in the box at the front of the room. All i can here is a buzzing all around me, everyone else is talking among themselves.

I still can't believe that it's true, that this is really happening to me. Why him? Why Jacob? he was the sweetest person anyone could have known. He was my sun, my warmth. How will i survive without him?

I am now truely alone.

"Hi honey, how are you holding up?"

I looked up startled, I hadn't even seen anyone walk up. It's Seth , he was one of Jacob's good friends.

he was in the truck behind him, in the convoy when the bomb hit his truck. he watched it all happen and it shook him up pretty bad.

"Okay, I guess." I replied mechanically. I have been asked the question so much lately, I don't have to think before answering it anymore. It just comes out by itself. I mean what else am i supposed to say to that? Everyone knows that im not okay, I just lost my other half, my sun for God's sake! What do they exspect me to say.

"Okay, well if you need anything at all you can just call me anytime. Okay?"

"K" I replied with out even looking at him anymore.

When i seen him walk away i went back to staring at Jake's cold , lifeless body, remembering the last time i saw him alive.

_I stood in the doorway of our bedroom, watching Jacob as he finished packing._

_He was so handsome. i could help but stare at his over six foot tale , lean but very musculer body. he had brown short hair and brown eyes._

_He turned and looked at me smiling._

_"How long have you been standing there?" He smirked._

_I blushed at being cought ogling him. "I don't know i lost count a while ago. I was just admiring how sexy you are in the uniform of yours." I walked over to him and put my arms around his neck._

_"Oh really?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me ._

_"Well of course. No one looks better in that camo than you do, darling you know that." _

_"You know you're to have to stop saying things like that if i am planning on being on time." He replied._

_I sighed and dropped my arms from around him as we made our way outside to his car._

_As soon as he put his bag in the back of the car his arms were around me and i was crying. "Don't worry I'll be home befor you know it." He cooed. I could here the tears in his voice._

_I looked up at him and he kissed me. It was sweet, tender, and showed all the he had for me._

_"I love you ." He said once he released my lips._

_"I love you too." I choke out through my sobs._

_Then he got in his car and drove away. Little did I know that, that was the last time i would see him alive._

The rest of the day went by in a blurr. Before I knew it I was l lying in my big empty bed, in my empty house, crying. I was all alone now, I had no one to confide in. I closed my eyes praying for sleep to overtake me.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Edward *tear* ... **

**anyway here is chapter one.**

"Jake?" I asked

Could it be him? No. It couldn't be him, he was gone, I must be just seeing things in the dark, but then i heard his voice.

"Hey Bella, where have you been? I've been waiting for you for over an hour." He was just standing there in the middle of the forest. Why would i be meeting him in a forest? That only went through my mind for a second. I was so happy to see him nothing else matter. I launched myself into his arms and started kissing him with all the fierceness I could. At first he was suprised, but then his lips started moving with mine.

I moved my arms around his neck, moving one hand to his cheek, but something was off, It didn't feel right. I pulled back to look at him, and he was covered in blood and his skin was burnt all over.

"J..Jake?" I asked backing away with tears running down my cheeks. I watched as his body crumpled to the ground in front of me.

I shot straight up in bed, covered in sweat and tears. It was just a dream. The same dream I have had every night since Jacobs funeral. For the past couple of weeks I have been waking up screaming and crying.

I slowly pulled myself out of bed and stumbled my way into the bathroom. Turning on the shower I took off my sweatpants and Jakes shirt, i haven't been able to wear anything else, they still smell like him. I climbed into the shower. After washing my hair and bathing in a trance, I slid down the wall of the shower to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest.

I sat there with the water running over me, crying, for what felt like hours.

I was so out of it I barely heard the shower turn off and felt a towel wrap around me. I knew some one was helping me to my bed but i really didn't care who it was.

When i woke up some time later, i was in my bed, with one of Jake's shirts on. I was wrapped up in a pair of tiny arms. I looked up finally curious as to who it was.

"Alice? What are you doing here?" I asked shocked.

"Well you didn't think we would let you go through this alone did you?" She asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"What do you mean 'we', Alice?" I asked catiously, knowing full well what the answer would be.

She confirmed my fears. "Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, and myself, of course." Great now i was have an audiance when i broke down.

Alic is my bestfriend, has been since elementary school. Edward is her twin brother and Jacob's bestfriend. Emmett is their big brother. Rosalie and Jasper are twins and the same age as Emmett. Jasper and Alice have been together since... well forever, and so have Rosalie and Emmett.

Jake and I met through Alice and Edward. One night in middle school i was having a sleepover with Alice at her house, and Jake was staying the night with Edward. We've been together ever since.

"I hope you don't mind, I let myself in. I knocked, but you didn't answer so i used the spare key to get in." She said sheepishly.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "Alice, you know I don't care just as long ar you're here. I'm just curious though. How did you know where the key was? You've never been here before."

"It was in the same place that you used to hide it in Forks, under the pot of flowers by the door." Was her response.

I currently live in Nevada. Jake was stationed here about a year ago. Before we moved we lived in a small, rainy town name Forks in Washington.

"Well now that your awake I can call Rose to come over so we can get you ready." Alice announced with a big smile.

"Alice, I really don't even feel like getting out of bed. I defently don't feel like going out." I whined.

Alice put on her famous pout " Aww come on Bella, you need to get out of the house for a while, and have some fun. Please?"

"Ugh! Fine, but i get to come back home when i get ready. Deal?"

"Yay!" Alice clapped.

Two hours later me , Alice, and Rose are walking out the door. Alice and Rose played Bella barbie with me, of course. My hair was flowing down my back in big curls. I had makeup on for the first time since I moved from Forks. I was wearing dark blue jeans that were way too tight for comfort with a blue tank top and my ballet flats. the shoes made me feel a little bit better about tonight at least I would break my ankle, like i would in heels.

When we pulled up at the club the guys were waiting outside for us. As soon as Alice stopped the car, her and Rose were out of the car an into their lovers arms. I had to choke back the tears that threatened to leak at as I made my way to them.

"Hey." Come a velvety voice from beside me. I knew who it was before I looked up at him. Edward.

"Hi." I replied curtly.

" How are you?" he asked his eyes full of saddness.

I ignored that questioned, he doesn't really want to know the real answer anyway, no one does when they ask that. "I didn't see you at the furneral." My voice was cold and hard.

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to be there. I tried, I promise, But I had finals and they wouldn't let me make them up any other time." He is always full of excuses.

"Oh yeah, that right your a doctor now." Then i walked away. I couldn't talk to him anymore without yelling and I didn't want to ruin the night for everyone.

An hour or so later I was actually having a little fun. The alcohol probably contrubited a lot to that. I was in the middle of the dance floor with Alice and Rose dancing the night away.

"I'm going to go get some air!" I yelled at Alice over the music. It was getting a little stuffy in here.

"Do you want us to come with you!?" She yelled back.

"Naw I'll be right back!" Alice nodded. I made my way through the crowd grabbing a few more shots on my way to the door.

When I got outside the cool air felt good on my clammy skin. I was really starting to feel all the acohol now. I swayed a little bit, all of a sudden i felt two arms wrap around me from behind to steady me. I looked up and into the green eyes of Edward. I mumbled a thanks as i pull myself out of his arms.

"You know, you never told my how you were doing."

My anger flared at him for caring so much now, when he didn't care enough years ago when he let Jake join the army all by his self, when he was supposed to be there with him to protect him for me. I couldn't stop myself , the words just started comeing out and before I knew it I was yelling at him.

"Ok then, let me tell you how im doin! I feel like part of my life was ripped away from me! I can't eat, I can't sleep without haveing nightmares, hell I can't even bring myself to get out of bed on most days!" I screamed as hot tears ran down my face.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he took a step towards me.

"You bastard!" I took a step back from him, I don't need his pity. "You're sorry!? This is all your fault and all you can say is you're sorry?!" Shock was written across his face. His eyes where wide and his mouth was hanging open. he didn't look like you had anything to say so I kept going.

"You were supposed to have went with him! But I bet you don't even remember promising me that you would join the army with him to help protect him if he got sent off! But instead of helping your best friend you went off to college to become a doctor and left us all alone!" by now I was sobbing uncontrolably.

He reached out to take me in his arms again and I stepped away from him again.

"Don't you touch me." I hissed throw clenched teeth.

"Bella I'm sorry. We were in high school when I said that. I never thought he would actually to do it." He looked down at the ground in shame.

"Just go tell Alice I'm ready to go home."

The next thing I knew I was in Alice's arms sobbing.

"Let's get you home." She sighed.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:Special thanks goes out to murfangel for correcting all my mistakes. If it weren't for her none of ya'll would probably be able to read this chapter. So thank you, thank you, thank you murfangel your awesome!! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I do However own all the books and a really cool keychain.**

The next couple of weeks went by faster than i really wanted them to. Everyone will be leaving soon to go back to Forks. I'm not really sure how I am going to handle that.

It is now August 20. Its getting closer to the holidays and I will be spending them alone. Everyone lives too far away to visit. It took a lot of convincing to get Alice to agree not to come visit me on christmas. I told her she should spent it with here family. After about two hours of us continuely argueing about it she finally agreed.

I haven't spoken to Edward since that night at the club. He's come by a few times, but Alice tells him to go away, well i actually don't know what she tells him, I hide out in my room until I hear him leave. I did tell her to tell him to stay the hell away, but i don't think thats what she says because his stubbern ass just keeps comeing back.

"Bella!" Come Alice's voice from the living room. "Hurry up and get out here we only have a couple of days left to spend together!"

"I'm coming Alice. Not all of us can wake up looking gorgouse like you. I have to actually take some time in the mornings to get ready!" I yelled back sarcastically.

I laughed at the sight of Alice as i came out of my room. She was bouncing up and down on the couch like a little kid, Rosalie sitting beside her trying to stiffle her giggles. We were having a "girl day" as Alice calls it . I just call it " torture Bella day".

"Okay, so what movie are we watching first?" Rose asked as she looked through all my movies trying to find a good one.

"Grease!" Alice squealed while still bouncing up and down on the couch excitedly.

Me and Rose just looked at her and rolled our eyes.

"What?" She asked "Oh come on! You gotta love Grease!"

"Alice it's a musical. Twenty years ago it was a great, but now it's just boring ." Rose replied .

Alice looked like some one had just ran over her puppy. she was looking at rose with the saddest eyes I believe I have ever seen, her bottom lip was sticking out and it was slightly quivering.

"Ugh! Fine." Rosalie let out in frustation. " But we are watching a comedy next."

"Yay!" Alice clapped her hands and got up to put the movie in.

I chuckled quietly and looked at Rose. " You should have she was going to win, she always does."

"I know it's that damn pout, no one can resist that thing." Rose huffed.

All was forgotten about ten minutes into the movie when we were all singing along to the songs.

After the movie ended Alice declared it manicure and pedicure time as I groaned. For some odd reason I was the only one that had to go through the torture. When I them that they laughed and said that they have them done all the time and that I looked like the last time I had a mani/pedi done was when they did it. Which was true.

After a few moments of silence Alice looked up at me nervously. "Bella?"

"Yeah"

" I was wanting to ask you something"

I looked up at her curiously "What is it Alice?"

" You have to promise not to get mad and that you'll at least think about it before you answer, ok?" Well now I was nervous.

"Okay." I replied.

"You have to promise."

"Damn it Alice just ask me the damn question."

"Ok. Ok . don't get you panties in a bunch. We were just wondering if you would think about moving back to Forks with us?" she asked slowly.

"I can't Alice, this is my home." I was shocked. I never exspect her to ask me that question.

"Bella, your alone here and you don't even have anyone here to talk to . If you come back to Forks we could be with you all the time and help you get through this ." she replied worriedly.

" I can't leave , Jake is here." I said in a whispered as the tears started to fall.

" Honey, we can always come back whenever you want." Rosalie replied wrapping her arms around me for support.

"Umm.. just give me some time to think about ok?" I asked

"Ok we'll come back tomorrow."

When I awoke the next morning I was like a zombie, I hadn't gotten much sleep at all. I was up all night trying to decide what to do. I drug myself out of bed and made my way to the bathroom that ajoined my room. I took a very hot, very long shower. I was making my way to the kitchen when I heard a noise coming in the kitchen. I froze in midstep. A second later Alice came bouncing around the corner. I about jump out of my skin.

"Damn Alice are you trying to give me a heart attack." I got out between breathes as I tried to slow my speeding heart.

"Well good morning to you too sun shine." She chirped

_Damn her and her good mood in the mornings!_

"Oh I mad you some coffee"

_Nevermind scratch that I love this pixie!_

I walked over to the table and sat down to enjoy my coffee.I looked up at Alice and snorted, almost causeing coffee to come flying out of my mouth. she was sitting the the chair across from me on her knees, bouncing up and down and her face was tomatoe red. she looked like she was going to explode.

" Just spit it out Alice, you look like you about to spontaniously combust." I got out between giggles.

"Well I was _trying_ to let you finish your coffee, but oh well. So, are you comeing home with us?"

"Alice when I said give me until today I meant later today, not first thing in the morning."

"Aww, come on you know I can wait that long for an answer, and I know you, you can't stop thinking about a decion until you have figured it out. You look like you haven't slept all night , but your relaxed I know that you have decided." she said confidently.

_damn pixie._

"Ok Alice, I'll give it a try. But..." I said holding a figure up at her to stop her from interupting." If i decide later that I can't handle it I get to come home. Okay?

"Yay!" She bounced in her chair and clapped her hands.

Over the next few days Alice and Rose helped be pack all the stuff that i wanted to take with me. I left everything else incase I decided to come back and if I didn't then we could come back later on and get it all.

We got everything into the cars. I walked around to the passenger side of Alice's car and climbed in. Due to all the boxes only four of us could fit in Emmett's jeep and two of us in Alice's car. Alice and Rose wanted to ride with Jasper and Emmett, but being the good friends that they are offered to ride with me instead. I told them no that i would be fine. So now I am stuck in a car for I don't know how many hours with Edward.

_fantastic_

When Edward got in the car he turn to me and smiled sadly.I glared back. He gulped, turned and looked straight ahead and pulled out of the driveway.

We rode halfway to Forks in an awkward silence, niether one of us wanting to break it. That is until I looked over to glare at him again and got a glimpse of the speedometer.

"Holy hell! What are you trying to do kill us." I screamed in a panic and grabbed a hold of the seat.

"Bella calm down I know how to drive. Nothing is going to happen." He said with a smirk.

_Cocky ass_.

"Slow down and I might calm down!"

He let out a heavy sigh and slow the car down to eighty. "Better" He asked

"Slighty"

"Bella, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when Jake passed and I'm sorry I wasn't there to help him when it happened, but you know just as well as I do even if I was there it still would have happened." He said softly.

He was right it wasn't his fault, but I had to be angry at some one for what happened.I don't know why, but for some reason my anger was pointed at him. I couldn't help but to be angry with him. He was supposed to have at least been there and tried to help.

"Yeah, but you said you would go with him. Instead, as soon as you got out of high school you stopped talking to us, you were too busy for us. You forgot about him and the promises that you made to him, and you forgot about me." I pushed out through the tears. I wiped them away quickly and looked toward the road.

"Bella, I'm sorry. If i could change what happened back them i would, but i can't. all I can do is promise you that I will always be there for you in the future whenever you need me." He said sadly.

I snorted." Yeah , I've heard that before." I scoffed still looking ou the windshield. I couldn't look at him, if I did I would break down. Those green eyes of his could look straight through ou and into your soul. I had to wait until i was alone to break down. No one else needs to endure my pain.

"You'll see in time." He said barely above a whisper as we pulled into his parents house.

I had barely got out of the car when Esme came running up to me me. "Oh, I missed you so much dear. I'm sorry about what happened dear, but I'm glad your here." She said in my ear hugging me tightly as I tried to hold back my tears. I told myself that no one would see me cry, that I would wait until i was alone to let my emotions out.

"It's so good to see you too Esme. I missed you so much too." I replied still holding back the tears.

"Well let's get you inside dear, Carlisle has been driving me crazy all day about when you would get here. I swear that's where Alice gets all her hyperness from." she said through her laughter. The mental picture of Carlisle bugging Esme like an excited little kid made me laugh right along with her.

"Okay, let me grab my stuff out of the car and I'll be right in." She smiled and nodded and turn around and went back into the house.

I turned around and walked around the car to the back to get the rest of my stuff that the others couldnt carry in, only to see Edward picking up the rest of my things to carry them in.

"I can take those from you. No need for you to have to worry with my things." I said sternly.

"It's alright. Besides what kind of gentleman would I be if I let you carry everything while I do nothing?" He said smirking.

"I don't believe you could be considered a gentleman. Gentlemen don't desert their best friends." I snapped back.

"I told you I was sorry about not going with Jake. You can't keep holding that over my head . So, I guess I will have to just show you that I am a gentleman." and with that he picked up my things and walked off toward the house. I just stood there shocked. How can he be such an ass? He made me just want to scream. It's like he knows just how to push my buttons. I stood outside for a couple more minutes trying to calm myself before going into the house.

Carlisle and Esme's house is beautiful to say the least. It's so light an open . The hole wall at the back of the house is glass and it overlooks a creek and some beautiful woods. It has three stories. All the walls and funiture is white except for the bedrooms, those are decorated to each person's personnialty that lives in the them. It's exactly like I remembered it.

I walked into the kitchen knowing that everyone would be in there. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett , and Eward were sitting at the table and Esme and Carlisle were sitting at the bar. They all looked up when I walked in. Carlisle got off his stool to hug me. "I'm so glad you decided to come and stay with us for a while." he said happily as he released me .

" I missed you Calisle. I'm only staying for a little while, just until I figure out what I am going to do." I sighed.

" Well it's great to have you hear." He smiled "Edward why don't you take Bella and show her , her room." Edward started to stand up.

"Um.. no it's ok I think I can find it myself. Just tell me what floor it's on." I said nervously.

"Nonsense dear Edward can show you where it is. There is no way we are going to make you search the house for your room when he can take you right to." Esme said.

" Yeah it's no problem." Edward said with that crooked grin on his face, You know the one that even though you can stand him you can't take yours eyes off of him when you uses it on you. _snapped out of it Bella, remember his a pompass jackass..._

"You comeing?" He asked concerned.

"Huh.. Oh yeah. Sorry, I just spaced for a minute." I said as the heat began to rise up my face. I followed behind him as we walked up the stairs.

"You'll be staying in the guest room on third floor. Mom thought you would like that one better, she said the colors in it looked like you would like them better then any of the other rooms." He said smilling.

"Of course and it just so happens to be on the same floor as your room." I muttered sarcasticly.

We made our way up the stairs in silence until we came the guest room that was right next door to his room. These were the only two rooms on the third floor. _Fantastic. _

I walked into the room, Esme was right I really did love the color of it. The walls were a really light blue and the comforter on the bed match it perfectly. I loved it . Edward walked in behind me, I saw him watch me from the corner of my eye. It was starting to irretate me.

" If you take a picture it'll last longer." I said angrely. He started laughing histariclly.

"Why are you laughing at me?" I asked getting more infuriated by the minute. He held up his fingure to tell me to hold on a minute, then took a few slow, deep breathes before opening his mouth the speak. Only to start laughing again. I glared at him." If all you are going to do is laugh at me then get your ass out of my room."

"I .. I'm Sorry." He got out between laughs. " It's just...I haven't heard anyone say that since we were kids." He laughed, yet again. _Ass_

I just kept glaring at him.

"Oh come on! You have to amit that was funny." He said finally stiffaling his laughter. Even though I did agree with him after I thought about I was not about to amitt it to him just so he could laugh some more.

"Bella, you have to lighten up a little and stop being mad at me some time. We used to be best friends." He said sadly.

" No. I was your best friends wife."

"No Bella. I never thought of you as my best friend's wife. I always thought of you as one of my best friends. Even if you and Jake hadn't have gotten together you would still be my best friend." He admitted.

Well, _that _I never knew. Now I kind of felt bad for being so mean to him. " Look. I'm sorry I'm being so mean to you. I'll try to be nice from now on. Okay? Even though I can't promise I won't yell at you again." I said looking down.

He stepped closer to me and lift my chin with his hand so that I was looking into his eyes, Those emarld eyes, that look straight threw your soul. "That's all I ask for Bella is that you try. I can't image life without you." He said gazing straight into my eyes. He was so close. I could feel his breath on my face, but I couldn't move , I couldn't move my eyes from his. He looked from my eyes to my lips. He started to move his face closer to mine.

"Ahem." Came a voice from the doorway. We both looked up and stepped away from each other at the same time. Alice was standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. " Mom's says dinners ready."

"Okay." Edward and I said at the same time. I turned to walk out behind them.

_Oh God! What had I almost done?! Thank God for Alice! _

**Reviews are better than almost kissing Edward...... ok maybe not. The only thing better than almost kissing Edward, is actually kissing Edward! ^_^ but they're pretty close to it to me!!! **

**Please Review!!! **


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. :( Everytime i have to put that on here it makes me sad.**

**A/N: Ok, when you get to the end of this chapter i want you to keep something in mind: reviews will make me write faster! so please take time when you finish reading to tell me what you thought of it, even if you don't like it I still would like to know! thanks!!**

Chapter 3

We made our way down the stairs, to the kitchen where everyone else was. They all looked up as we walked in. "Bella are you ok honey? You look a little flushed." Esme asked looking concerned.

"Oh yeah Esme I'm fine." I answered with a blush, looking like I found something very interesting about the tiled floor.

After that everyone went back to eating. Edward and I fixed our plates and joined everyone at the table. Everyone was making easy small talk. I was just sitting quietly picking at my food, I wasn't really hungry although I know I should eat something, especially since I wasn't the only one I had to worry about.

See I had a secret that no one knew about yet but me. When I found out myself I didn't want to tell anyone until I told Jacob. Then when I got the news about what happened, to tell you the honest truth I forgot about it for a little while. I know that's horrible and selfish. I should probably not be allowed to keep it. I mean how can you forget about the unborn child that you are carrying.

I didn't tell Alice or Rose about it because I thought that they would just go back home after a week or so, and then I would be alone to care for it by myself and I wouldn't have to go through the pain of having to admit out loud that I was having a baby that now has no father to care for it.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice asked from beside me. I hadn't even noticed that I was silently crying until she asked me that.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I need to just lie down for a little while." I said softly. Before getting up from the table and walking out of the kitchen and to the guest room upstairs.

I lay in bed for I don't know how long. I couldn't sleep, all I could do was lie in a ball holding my stomach, and stare unseeing out the windows at the dark woods that were behind the house. With tears hot tears steadily running down my face. As I lay there I started thinking about how bad of a person I was. That night at the club where I screamed at Edward, I had drank. A lot. I felt like the most horrible person in the world. I don't deserve to have a child. I don't deserve to have a life.

With that thought, I pushed myself out of the bed. I opened the door as quietly as I could and looked down the dark hallway and listened to make sure that everyone was in bed. I didn't know what time it was but I knew that it was pretty late. After not hearing or seeing anyone, I decided that they were all in bed. I started making my way to the bathroom across the hall and of course because I am me and the universe hates me, I tripped over thin air and landed face first on the floor. After a second of staying still and listening making sure I didn't wake anyone up, I got up and continued on the bathroom.

When I got in the bathroom I waited until I closed the door before turning on the light, just to make damn sure it wouldn't wake anyone up. I really didn't need anyone to walk in on me while I was in the middle of what I was about to do.

I looked around the bathroom looking for something sharp that could work. I dug through all the cabinets and looked behind everything in them to see if I could find something. All with no luck. I was about to give up when I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that it was a medicine cabinet. _Please, let there be something in there I could use. _I begged whatever force there is that was watching me.

I slowly open the cabinet and looked in it all I saw was medicine bottles and things to that nature. I started moving them around to look behind them, a few of them falling into the sink in the process, until I spotted something sliver and shiny. I let out a breath of relief when my fingers touched the cold metal and I picked it up.

I held it in front of my face staring at it in awe. It's amazing how this little piece of metal was going to save me. Save me from a life with no Jacob, a life that I didn't deserve. A life where I would have to raise a child on my own and then when it got old enough to start wondering where his or her daddy was, I would have to tell them how he died before they born and didn't even know anything about me being pregnant. I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. _It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore._

I gripped the sink and looked down, and took a few deep calming breathes. I looked up in the mirror one last time and watch the silent tears run down my face. _Ok, here we go, it's now or never. _I thought to myself as I lifted the blade to my right wrist. "I'm sorry Jacob." I whispered right before I slid the sharp metal straight down the middle of my wrist, letting out a hiss of pain.

I grabbed the sink to steady myself as I felt myself about to hit the floor. I had to finish it. If I do both wrists it will be over with faster. I switched the blade to my right hand. It was harder to hold in this hand because of all the blood. I put the blade against my left wrist as I felt myself start to sway. I started pulling it down my wrist as my vision went blurry and I felt myself hit the floor.

**EPOV**

I couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried, all I could do is toss and turn. All I could think about was Bella in the room next to mine. I knew she was upset, hell who wouldn't be after losing their husband. It made me so sad that she didn't trust me enough anymore to let me comfort her. All I wanted to do was help my best friend get through this hard time, but she blamed me for everything. She blamed me for things that I had no control over. I knew that she was just grieving and she was going through the anger stage. But it still hurt like hell that I was the person she wanted to take it out on.

A few hours later, I was lying on my back just staring at the ceiling wondering if I was ever going to get any sleep, when I heard a thud come from the hall. I looked at my clock it read 2 in the morning. _Great. _I don't think I will ever get to sleep tonight. I figured I was just Bella making her way the bathroom. We all know how clumsy she is; she probably just tripped over nothing. I laughed quietly to myself at that thought. Her clumsiness is just so endearing.

I climbed back in bed and continued to stare at the ceiling wish sleep would consume me soon. Only to hear what sounded like things falling in the bathroom. Without even thinking about it first, I got up out of bed and made my way to the hallway. When I got the bathroom door, I held my hand up to knock when I heard Bella's soft voice whisper something. I didn't hear all of it, but I thought I heard her say Jacob's name.

Dropped my arm not wanting to interrupt her private moment, but I didn't move away from the door. I didn't want to leave her by herself. I knew I was the last person she wanted to console her right now, but I thought that her yelling at would be better than her being by herself.

I was about to change my mind and walk away when I heard her hiss. It sounded like she was in pain.

I knock on the door lightly; I didn't want to scare her with any sudden noise. "Bella, are you alright?" I asked in a soft voice. She didn't answer, so I knocked again just a little louder this time. "Bella are you hurt?" I asked a little more desperate than before. Still nothing. I put my ear to the door to see if I could hear her moving or anything.

The thing I heard next scared me worse than I have ever been scared in my life. It was a loud thud, like someone hitting the floor. "BELLA!" I screamed desperately will banging on the door. When she still didn't answer I did the only thing I could think of. I rammed my shoulder into the door with all my force.

It slung open, hit the wall behind it and came back at me. I stuck my hand out to stop it and then looked down at the floor. What I saw there stopped my breathing.

There lying of the floor with blood all around her was Bella. I ran to her and brushed the hair out of her face.

"Bella, Bella honey can you hear me?" I asked in a shaky breath, with both hands on her cheeks. She felt cold and lifeless in my hands. I didn't know what to do. I knew that I have be taught to react the right way in a situation like this, but right at that moment I could remember any of the things I had been taught.

"Bella wake up!" I yelled throw the tears that were now flooding from my face. I felt so helpless and alone. I didn't know what to do. I looked down around her on the floor and saw the tiny sliver blade that did this to her. Then I looked around the floor some more looking for something that could help me save her. That's when I saw the blood rushing from her wrists. On instinct I grabbed to towels off the rack beside the sink and held them to both her wrists as best I could.

All of a sudden I remembered that we weren't alone in the house. There were other people here that could help me save her. Another doctor here that could save her. One that isn't useless in times like these.

"CARLISLE!" I screamed. "CARLISLE!" I screamed again hoping that by me screaming his name and not dad that he would know something was terribly wrong and come faster.

"CARLISLE, HELP!" I screamed again, desperately.

After what seemed like forever I heard people running up the stairs.

"Edward, what's wrong where are u?!" I heard my father yell as he ran up the stairs toward us.

"WE'RE IN THE BATHROOM JUST HURRY UP AND GET IN HERE NOW!" I screamed through my sobs.

My father entered the bathroom out of breath "Edward what's –"He trailed off as he looked down at Bella on the floor. "Oh my god." He gasped before hurrying to Bella's side.

Holding her face in his hands just like I had done before he called to her "Bella can you hear me?" And just like before she didn't answer.

As I heard loud gasps followed by screams that came from Alice and Rosalie, I looked up at the door to find Esme with tears running down her face with her hand covering her mouth as she stared at us in shock. Alice was buried in Jasper's chest crying hysterically and Emmett was trying to calm Rosalie down in much the same way that Jasper was trying to calm Alice.

"Esme, call an ambulance!" Carlisle yelled in an unsteady voice. She nodded and ran down stairs.

I looked at Carlisle's worried face. "Is she going to make it?" I asked barely above a whisper, not really knowing if I wanted to hear the answer or not.

Carlisle looked at me sadly shaking his head, "I don't know son."

After that one little sentence I couldn't help it, I couldn't stay calm anymore. I broke down in sobs.

**Ok!! I am now going to go hind under a rock for a little while!! lol .. sorry about the cliffie but i gotta keep you reading somehow! Just remember what I said at the top ^ !! I'll repeat it just in case you forgot k? K. REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE MORE, FASTER!!! Thanks again!!!!!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: ok so before ya'll start reading there are a couple of things i want to get out there. i have enabled anonymous reviews (i didn't even know that i could get them). what did everyone think about the MTV movie awards huh? personally i loved every moment that twilight won something and if you ask me it should have won best song too. my favorite part of course was the New Moon trailer, that was awesome and i just cant stop watching it!! but besides that part i loved what rob and kristin did when they won best kiss. i laughed my ass off at that! **

**ok now special thanks goes out to murfangel for proof reading my shit.. so let's all thank her together........ THANK YOU MURFANGEL..... you are awesome. ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own twilight. its sucks i know but hey thats just how it is... **

**ok enough blabbing here is the next chapter......**

_Beep…..beep……beep.._

That's all I could hear, and it was getting on my nerves. Well obviously my plan didn't work. Yeah, that sounds like me. I can't even kill myself the right way. I could tell that I was in a hospital by the smell. It smells like old people and sick people. I hate hospitals. I tried opening my eyes, it was hard, and the light stung them. I guess from being closed for so long.

When my eyes finally adjusted to the light I looked around the room I was in. it was small with white walls, a not so comfortable chair sitting next to the bed I was in, a small blue couch in the corner , and a door , that I assumed was the bathroom, behind the door leading out of the room. But the worst thing about this room was that it's empty.

I didn't blame any of my friends for not being here for me. I'm pretty sure by now they all know about the baby, and everything that I have done. I don't deserve their friendship. I sighed laying my head against the thin pillow that was behind my head and looked up at the ceiling. I started to wonder if I had lost the baby. I hoped not. It was the only thing I had left of Jake. It would be the only thing I had left at all actually, seeing as right now I was alone I had ran off the few friends I did have.

I must have fallen asleep at some point and time because I woke up to someone calling my name. "Bella, wake up." I opened my eyes to find Carlisle smiling softly at me. He had on his white coat. Ah, so that's why he was here he had to be, he was my doctor.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" He asked in a soft voice.

"A little tired." I replied.

"I hope you don't mind I asked the others to stay outside while I talked to you." He said in a soft voice.

"You mean everyone is here?" I asked. I was in shock. How could they still care about me after what I had done?

"Yes, everyone is here and everyone I extremely worried about you Bella. Why would you think that they wouldn't be here?" Carlisle asked.

"I.. I don't know. I guess I just thought that they wouldn't want to be my friends anymore after they found out what I did." I stuttered out, ashamed.

"Bella, they love you. You are more than just a friend to them you are family, and you're not just a friend of my daughter's to me or Esme, you are family to us too."

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to something like that? I don't know. So I didn't say anything, I just let the tears fall. They are all like family to me too. They always have been.

" Ok , now it's time that I act professional." He said standing up and straitening his coat out. I couldn't help but laugh a little at his statement.

"Bella, you are very lucky that Edward found you in time. A couple of minutes later and you would have bled to death." He said sternly.

Wait! What?! Edward found me?! Carlisle didn't give me time to respond and I was still stuck on the part about Edward finding me, I barely heard what he said next.

"Bella, we found out something else too. Actually we're lucky the blood test came back before we gave you too much medication, but, anyways you're pregnant. You're about five months pregnant actually. I don't really know how you didn't know about that." He stopped and looked at me. "Are you ok?"

"Umm…..yeah. I just….Edward found me?" I finally asked.

"Did you not hear me say you're pregnant, Bella?" He asked warily.

"Uh, yeah. But let's get back to the Edward finding me thing. How did he find me?" I asked hurriedly.

"Yes, Edward found you; he said he heard you in the bathroom. You'll have to ask him about the detail, that's all he told me. So, I take it you already knew you were pregnant, then?" He said the last part slowly.

I looked down and blush, I was ashamed of myself for what I had done to a helpless baby. "Yeah." I said barely above a whisper.

"Well, you haven't been taking very good care of yourself, Bella. You should at least be showing a little, I know, by now, and you're not at all. You have to start eating right and get yourself and the baby healthy." He said in a disproving tone.

"Does everyone know?" I asked warily.

"No. I'm the only one that knows. I thought it would be best if you told everyone that yourself. Let me finish telling you about your injuries and then I will let them come in, ok?" I nodded and he continued. "Ok, we stitched up your wrists, and wrapped them in gauze. The gauze will have to stay on them until time for the stitches to come out. We can't risk you trying to pull the stitches out. You are supposed to stay in the hospital on suicide watch, but I'm going to see what I can do about you going home early as long as either I myself or Edward is with you at all times. Ok?" I just nodded again. I hoped they will let me out early I have learned my lesson. I am not going to try to do _that _ever again. "Ok I'll go get everyone else then." He went to get up and leave until I stopped him.

"Could you just send Edward in first, please?" I asked.

Carlisle turned and looked at me with a small smile on his face and answered, "Sure." And then he walked out the door.

**EPOV**

You would think that they would make waiting room chairs more comfortable considering most people have to sit in them for a long time. I have been in this chair for over twenty four hours waiting on Bella to wake up. I only got up to go the bathroom and to change into some scrubs I had in my locker, because Esme said that I couldn't very well stay in bloody clothes, it was unsanitary.

I know I looked like hell. My hair had to be sticking out in all directions from my pulling at it the whole time I was sitting here. I knew I had to have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. But I could really care less; all I really cared about was Bella at this moment. Actually, if I was being truthful all that has ever really matter to me was Bella. I have always felt a pull towards her. It's like she's a magnet that attracts me.

I have always cared way too much for her for us just to be friends. But I never acted on it because Jake was my best friend and after the first time that he saw her, he told me that he wanted to be with her forever. So I backed down and they were perfect together.

When Jake was leaving to go to war he called me when he was on his way to the base. He made me swear that if something happened to him that I would take care of Bella. At the time I didn't want to think about anything happening to him and I refused to make that promise. I told him that it was crazy that he would be home before he knew it and he would be taking care of her himself. But at the end of the conversation he still made me make that promise to him.

I was brought back the present when Carlisle walked out of Bella's room. Alice and I both stood up and looked at him. Alice had been here the entire time also. Her hair was sticking out all over her head just like mine from her running her hands through it; it's a habit we share.

"She's fine." Carlisle said, knowing what Alice and I were about to ask. "She's awake and she's doing well."

"Can we go in and see her now?" Alice asked. She looked like she was about to take off in a sprint towards Bella's room, until Carlisle replied.

"Actually, she wanted to see Edward first." Alice's face fell a little at that.

"Really?" I asked surprised, last time I checked she was still mad at me. Carlisle nodded his head and then I made my way to Bella's room.

When I got to the door I knocked softly and stuck my head in. Bella motioned for me to come in and I did. I sat down in the chair beside the bed.

She looked at me with sad eyes. "How did you know I was in the bathroom?" She asked softly, out of nowhere.

"I..uh.. I couldn't sleep, I was lying in bed and heard what sound like you tripping in the hall and I just figured you were going to the bathroom so I ignored it. A few minutes later I heard some noise in the bathroom it sounded like you were dropping things, so I went to check on you to make sure you were ok." I stopped there not really wanting to relive the whole ordeal.

"Then what happened?" She asked looking down at the bed.

I looked at her hesitantly, I didn't really think it was a good idea for her to relive it, and I really didn't want to relive the feeling of almost losing her forever. The idea of that stung.

"Please, Edward." She whispered still looking down at the bed. And because I can't deny her anything I continued.

"I went to the door and was about to knock when I heard you whisper something, I didn't hear what it was, so I figured that you would probably want to be alone. I started to turn and walk back to my room when I heard you hiss in pain. I knocked on the door and asked if you were alright, but you didn't answer, and then I heard you hit the floor and I guess instinct just took over and I banged my shoulder into the door until it opened. When I got inside you where unconscious and there was blood everywhere. All I could do was wrap your arms in towels and scream for Carlisle." During the whole story I had been looking down at my hands, but when I finished I looked up at her and was met with those wonderful brown eyes.

"Thank you, Edward." She said sincerely.

"For what? Obviously you didn't want to be saved." I said shocked. I thought she would be pissed at me for saving her. No one cuts themselves like that unless they want to die.

"You're right, at the time I didn't want to be saved, but now I see that it was stupid. I shouldn't have ever even thought about doing that. It's not just me I have to worry about anymore." She said like she was ashamed. The part that caught me by surprise was the last part. What does she mean it's not just her she has to worry about?

"What do you mean?" I asked bewildered.

She took a deep breath "I mean, Edward, that…..I'm pregnant, and have been for 5 months."

I couldn't say anything I was in shock. I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe it, but she had gotten drunk that night at the club. And she's not even showing at all. The silence and my stare must have made her nervous because she just started talking in a rush.

"I know it doesn't make any sense to you. I drank and I'm not even showing. I stopped eating because I was depressed about Jake, and I didn't have anyone I could talk to, I mean sure Alice and Rose were there but I just felt like they wouldn't understand, and then when I was lying in bed the other night it just hit me that I am a terrible person for doing that to a baby and that I didn't deserve to live….."

I put my hand over her lips to make her stop. If she didn't stop soon I was afraid she would pass out from the lack of oxygen, and that definitely wouldn't be good for the baby.

"Breath, Bella." I said before removing my hand. She took a deep breath and then asked warily "You don't hate me for what I have done?"

"Of course not Bella, how could you ever even think that, and no one else is going to hate you for it either. You were confused and alone. But you just need to know from now on when you are facing a problem like that again you can come to me. Ok?" I said soothingly. It pained me that she could even think that about me.

She sighed "Ok." She looked down for a minute like she was trying to decide if she wanted to ask me something or not, then she looked into my eyes. "Can I ask you something Edward?"

"Anything." I replied truthfully.

"Ok, don't freak out or anything, just because I ask you this doesn't mean that I am ever going to try and do it again, ok?" She paused and I nodded. "Why did it not work? I mean did I not cut the right way or something? It just seems like I can't do anything right; you'd at least figure I could do that right."

"Bella you most definitely cut yourself the right way. The reason it didn't work is because you tried to kill yourself in a house with two doctors. She should have known that we wouldn't have let get away that easily." I joked at the end trying to lighten the mood a little.

She gave a shy smiled and said "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Well I'm going to let Alice come now if that's ok with you, she was a little upset when you wanted me to come in first." I said making my way to the door.

"Oh, yeah, of course I wanted her to come in next. I just wanted to thank you first." She said with a shy smile.

"Well your very welcome." I replied as I walked out of the room.

When I got out to the waiting room Alice jumped out of her chair and came running up to me.

"Is she ok? Does she want to see me? Is she mad at me for something? Oh, I bet she hates me for taking her away from her home and bringing her here." She said all in one breath, looking like she had just lost her puppy.

I took her face in my hands making her look up at me. "Alice relax, ok? She just wanted to thank me first, but now she is dying to see you."

I barely got finished with my sentence when she took off in the direction of Bella's room. I laugh and shook my head making my way back to my chair to sit and wait for the next time that I would see Bella.

**Remember: Reviews are love!! so show me the love!!! :)**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: ok, so sorry this one is a little later than usual the truck was huge this week, so it took me a little longer to get finished with it. as always special thanks goes to the awesome murfangel for making sure everyone is able to read this.... thank you so much i'm sure everyone who reads this story love you for that!! **

**Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight or anything that has to do with Twilight, that upsets me very much so i just put the characters into my own little world, so i can have fun with them. :0)**

I laid my head back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling trying to figure out how I was going to tell Alice about everything. I mean obviously she knew about the other night, but I wondered what she thought of me now. I know she will be disappointed that I couldn't talk to her about my problems. But I just didn't want anyone to know that I was having problems. The sound of the door opening caught my attention.

Alice stuck her head in the door and looked at me with a small smile on her face. She looked so shy and unsure if she wanted to come in the room or not.

"Alice, are you planning on coming in here so I can talk to you or are you just going to stand at the door all day?" I asked with a sarcastic tone.

She looked up at me and smiled wider and bounced into the room and on the bed with me.

"I wasn't real sure if you wanted me to come in or not." She said looking down at the sheets.

"Alice there is never a time that I wouldn't want you near me, you are my best friend." I said softly. She looked up at me with a big grin across her face, but then it disappeared and she looked sad again. I knew exactly what she was about to say so before she could say anything I apologies.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I should have came to you and told you what was going on before I did anything drastic. It's just that what I did was more horrible than you think." I said quickly biting my lip wondering how long it would take her to understand that there was something else she didn't know. It didn't take long at all.

"What do you mean 'more horrible than you think' is there something that I don't know?" She looked at me suspicious.

Ok so now was the time to tell her, but I just couldn't make the words come out. I opened my mouth a few times just to close it right back. I don't know why it was so much harder to tell Alice about me being pregnant than it was to tell Edward. I mean of course I was terrified of what she would think of me , but I think that I kind of already knew that Edward would eventually understand why I done what I done, just not as quickly as he did. But I was terrified that Alice would think I was a cruel person and never speak to me again.

"Bella, you can tell me anything, I promise I won't think any differently about you." She said sincerely.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Time to man up; so to speak. "I'm pregnant." I said it as fast as I possibly could. I was scared to look up at her face. She hadn't said anything yet, which was not a very good sign. Alice always had something to say, she was never speechless.

I slowly looked up at her. She was staring at me, her eyes as wide as saucers, unblinking, and her jaw was hanging wide open. I waited for a few more minutes, but she still hadn't moved an inch. It was starting to get uncomfortable with her just staring at me unblinking, and the way she looked with her mouth hanging open was getting on my nerves (huh, must be the hormones). So I reached up and closed her mouth for her. That brought her out of her daze. She started to say something but as soon as her mouth opened so did the door. A nurse came in with a tray of food.

"How are you doing sweetheart?" She asked smiling warmly at me while she sat the tray of food on the little table and rolled it to the bed so that it was in front of me.

"better." I replied.

"That's good to hear. Now make sure you eat everything on the tray, that's the only way they are going to let you go home today. We got to get you and that baby healthy now." She said as she walked out the door.

I looked at the tray of food, it looked like hospital food. Globs of stuff that you really couldn't make out what it was supposed to be I rankled my nose and looked back to Alice waiting on her to say something.

"What are you waiting for, start eating little momma you heard the nurse got to get you and that baby healthy." She said with a big smile on her face.

I was shocked that she looked so happy. "You're not mad at me?"

"Bella there is no reason for anyone to be mad at you. You're ok and the baby's ok, and that's all that matters. Now, eat! I want to see that tummy of yours big and round soon!" she said the last part a little more sternly.

"But you can't even tell what it is." I whined.

"Bella" She warned me.

"Ok fine." I said holding up my hands in surrender. I can already tell that Alice was going to put herself in charge of making sure I gain all the weight I was supposed to plus some.

So one of the worst meals of my life and another visit from good old Dr. Cullen later I was ready to go home. Well, home to the Cullen's anyway.

Since Carlisle had to stay at work and Alice and Jasper left to get the house ready for me as Alice put it and Esme's car was full since Emmett and Rosalie was riding with her. I was riding home with Edward. I didn't really know how I felt about that, right now I had mixed feelings about Edward. I mean, he has always been my friend, and always will be. I felt bad for being so mean to him before everything happened. He saved my life, and he really didn't have a reason to, I had been so mean to him he could have just let me died.

I looked up when I heard the door open and Edward walked in "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, defiantly?" I said heading to the door.

The ride to the Cullen's was mostly quiet. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was just silent. I was never uncomfortable around Edward, we never felt like we needed to fill the void with meaningless chatter.

When we got to the house he parked in the drive and then came around and opened my door for me, offering his hand to me to help me out of the car. I slid my hand in his and got out of the car. I looked up at him and started to tell him that it wasn't necessary to treat me like I was going to break, but that thought got cut short when I looked into his blazing green eyes and noticed how close I was to him.

I took me a moment to regain a conscious thought. "You know I am able to get out of a car by myself without breaking."

He smiled a faint smile. "I know, but what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't help you out of the car?"

"You think very highly about yourself, don't you?" I replied sarcastically.

He simple smiled that heart stopping crooked smile- _whoa, wait a second 'heart stopping' where the hell did that come from_. Edward then turned to look back at me, my guess wondering why I wasn't following him into the house. "Are you coming? You know Alice is probably pacing the floor wanting to know why you aren't in there yet."

I groaned "Yeah, that evil little pixy is going to really get on my nerves I can already tell it now." He laughed at my whining and we continued on toward the house.

When we got inside sure enough Alice was waiting impatiently for my arrival.

"Well it took you long enough to get here, I was getting worried something happened."

By this time everyone else had heard Alice greeting us when we came in and they were all in the room with us. "Well Alice, the only reason we are here at all is because I couldn't find anything in the car sharp enough to _off _myself." I had meant it as a joke but obviously no one else thought it was the least bit funny. Everyone was staring at with wide shocked eyes.

"Oh come on! I was joking!" Still no one said a word for a few minutes, but then finally Alice broke the silence. "Well that was not the least bit funny. Don't ever say anything like that again, ok. You scared us all and we don't ever want you to even think about doing that again." I nodded looking down, blushing.

"Ok good. Now let's go get you settled in. You are on bed rest, doctor's orders." She said while pushing me up the stairs.

I stopped when we got the guest room I had been staying in, but Alice and Edward just kept going. "Hey, my room's right here." I stated the obvious.

"I know, but you're going to be staying in Edward's room for a while." She said slowly.

I looked from her to Edward, he was looking down at the floor. "Why."

"Well for one, his bed is a lot more comfortable than yours……."

I cut her off "Where will Edward sleep?"

"On the couch in his room, of course. You do remember Carlisle telling you that either he or Edward would have to be with you at all times?" She said like it was obvious.

"Well, Yeah but I thought I could at least sleep in my own bed." I said now regretting the comment I made earlier about cutting myself, surely now it would be twice as long before I can sleep in my own room.

"Well, it was either this or you sleep in Carlisle and Esme's room. I thought you would be more comfortable in here." She knew she had me with that. This was way better then sleeping in the same room as Carlisle and Esme, I don't even want to think about how uncomfortable that would be.

"Fine." I said giving up and heading to Edward's room.

**A/N: Please, Please, Please review!! i am seriously on my knees begging.... oh, and if i get lots of reviews i might get the next chapter out by Saturday or Monday!!!! **


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: OMG!! is this the second chapter today? oh, i think it is!! ok so, dont get super excited yet it kinda short, but i was inspired to continue from the other chapter from the reviews i got so far for it!! so to those who reviewed it thanks you so much, and for those of you that didn't review it yet... get your ass back to the last chapter and review..lol..jk.. **

**ok as per usual special thanks to murfangel for correcting all my mistakes, we love you!!**

**oh and one more thing. . . . . . one of my favorite quotes from the book is in this chapter. see if you can pick it out!! ok enough blabbing on to the disclaimer......**

**Disclaimer: i do not own twilight and i am supper jealous of SMeyer because she does own it and edward......**

The bed was ready and waiting for me. Alice had folded the covers down and had about a hundred pillows propped up against the head board. Ok, so maybe I was exaggerating a little with the pillows but that's about how many it looked like.

I climbed in the bed reluctantly. "Do I really have to stay in bed all day?"

Alice looked at me sternly. "Yes, you do, and Edward will be in here with you all day to make sure you do too."

I looked over at Edward, who was now lying on his couch flipping through a magazine. He looked up when Alice said his name and flashed brilliant smile at me. I groaned.

"So, what am I supposed to do all day, Alice? Stare at the wall?" I was a little snippy, but I blame it on the hormones.

"No, of course not, I brought you a book." Alice said cheerfully while handing me a book.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, thanks Alice. That is _so _much more entertaining than the wall."

"Oh stop being so dramatic, Bella. We all know you love to read. You are just trying to be difficult."

I "harrumphed" and crossed my arms over my chest, looking down at the sheets. Then I heard Edward chuckling from the couch.

I glared at him. "Well, I'm glad I amuse you."

He just laughed harder. "I'm sorry." He got out between chuckles. "You just look like a little kid that was just told she couldn't have ice cream." At that Alice started laughing too.

I glared at the both of them, until I couldn't take it anymore and I was laughing right along with them.

After we finally settled down Alice announced that she had to go do something with Jasper. I don't even want to think about what they may be up to. Just the thought made me shudder.

For the next couple of hours Edward and I sat in silence. He flipped through his magazine, while I was pretending to read the book that Alice at brought me. I just couldn't concentrate. I kept getting this feeling that he was staring at me, but every time I looked at him, he was looking down at his magazine.

After several of my attempts at trying to catch him in the act, I guess he finally got tired of it. I looked up at him again and a smile slowly made its way onto his face. Then he looked up at me his eyes shining with mischief. "You know, as much as I love you looking at me, staring is rude." That crooked smile still in place.

"Oh, don't flatter yourself, I wasn't staring at you and you know it. You're the one that keeps staring at me." I replied.

He put his hand over his heart in fake hurt. "I was not."

"Yeah, you were I could feel your eyes on me." I said getting defensive.

He simply smiled and said, "Prove it."

"Well, that's just stupid Edward, how am I supposed to prove something like that." I said as tears pricked my eyes. Wait_, why am I crying? That just doesn't seem like the right emotion for me to be feeling right_ _now. Oh, well now I'm just plain confused._ That thought just made the tears come even faster.

Edward looked at me with worried eyes. "Are you crying?" His question came out in a whisper.

"No." I said looking down and away from him. He is certainly going to think I'm crazy for just crying in the middle of a conversation. Ok, maybe it was leaning more towards an argument, but whatever his still going to think I'm crazy.

"Yes, you are. Bella, what's wrong?" He asked softly.

"I don't know." When I said that, the flood gates opened, and I was sobbing.

Edward got off the couch and sat on the bed beside me. He put his arms around me and held me to his chest while I cried. I cried for a long time, unable to stop the tears. He just held me and whispered soothing words in my ear, rubbing my back and hair, trying to calm me.

When I finally calmed down I was exhausted, and a little embarrassed that I had did that in front of Edward. I looked up at him my cheeks flush from all the crying and embarrassment.

He cupped my cheek with his hand and looked down at me with concerned eyes. "Are you alright now?" he asked in a soft voice.

I couldn't answer him; I was lost in his eyes. I couldn't look away from them even if I tried. They were piercing green. It was like he was looking straight into my soul. When I was finally able to tear my eyes away from his I still couldn't look away from his face. My eyes wondered over ever line on his face. Committing it to memory.

My eyes finally made it to his lips. All of a sudden I had this urge to kiss him, and I have no idea why. I looked from his lips to his eyes, and found his eyes gazing at my lips also. His face started moving closer to mine ever so slowly, agonizingly slow. The closer he got the faster I started breathing. Until his lips touched mine.

He pressed his lips to mine, only for a second. And then slightly pulled back and looked into my eyes, searching, for what, I don't know. But he must have found what he was looking for because he started to slowly move back toward my lips again until we were kissing again. But this time he didn't pull away.

This time his lips started to slowly move against mine, and without a conscious thought, my lips where moving against his too. Then I felt his tongue brush against my lip, asking for entrance. I opened my mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss. When our tongues meet it was like a fire went through me. I had never felt anything like this before. My arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck.

As if that gave him the permission her need, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He started to slow the kiss down until it was just light pecks. Then he slowly pulled away looking at me, like he was waiting on me to say something. But I couldn't speak.

I was dizzy, and I started to see black dots. Just when I thought that I was going to pass out, Edward took my face in his hands and whispered. "Breath, Bella."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking up at him I noticed that he still looked like he was waiting for me to say something, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. The only thing I could get out at that moment.

"Wow."

**A/N: ok, please don't kill me for leaving it there. . . . . it just felt right. . . . . and no she did not just forget all about jacob more about that in the next chapter..... **

**remember the more reviews the faster i update!!!! :)**


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